I think my poems good, do you agree or disagree? If you disagree, please tell me why.?

Giant Octopus Ride:





When my real dad came for my tenth birthday


he put the blue bulb in the porch light


then told my mother we would be out late but safe.





Each year we walked at dusk


when we could slither under the side fence.





On the inside I was a colonel


who knew every funhouse shortcut


and every haunted castle scare.





I knew how to spot my house from the top of the ferris wheel;


I knew why the men stood by the carousel platform looking up;


I knew where the air would smell like cotton candy,


where it would smell like deep fried crab,


where it would smell like urine,


but this year I didn鈥檛 know where


the giant octopus ride came from.





I hated how its green metallic paint


made the other rides pale and sun bleached,


how its blazing eyes and tentacles outshined midway,


how its rock and roll soundtrack echoed throughout the park


at the expense of the folk and country songs I had memorized.





My dad鈥檚 whiskey breath reached me.





Your tall enough aren鈥檛 cha?





I don鈥檛 care.





Got a sawbuck if you don鈥檛 cry or throw up.








Mom give you that money to spend on me.





Hell, you ride it and I鈥檒l let you drink half a beer





I shook his hand hard like I was supposed to


and marched toward the ride.





I waited 20 minutes,


kicking up dirt, spitting,


tightening and retightening


my belt and shoe laces.





At ride entrance my crown was even with the stick





Not tall enough, next





I鈥檓 at the line





Gotta be above the line





Girls start giggling behind me.


I slump aside,


let tears create avenues in cheek dust.


I see dad in the distance,


leaning back hard on a plastic bench


cowboy hat ****** down


sharing a cigarette


with a high school girl


Dad! Dad!


he never looked.





When I came back he shrugged,


put the 10 in his pocket,


pointed me off to the ferris wheel.





At the ferris wheel


I planned to give 4 tickets for my own carriage


but when I saw a girl, my age, waiting for a partner


I changed my mind and handed the carney 2.





While on the ride


I spotted my dad


sipping flask whiskey and smoking.





I imagined what would of happened if he had


heard me yell.





I pictured it rough.


My dad pushing the carney to the ground,


pouring his whiskey on the control panel,


where it would spark


the dying cough of dynamos,


I envisioned the ride going black,


midway regaining glory,


country music once again echoing proudly.





I become present near the ferris wheel peak;


my voice cracks as I tell the girl


the blue porch light is my house;


I point to it, but it鈥檚 not there,


the lights from the giant octopus ride


have swallowed it with brightness,


she simply smiles and asks,


Would you like a piece of my funnel cake?|||ben, i'm no critic.





what i do know is that people like robert frost set precedents in style and content. therefore there are very many styles getting the message across. i like the content of your piece and if you say it's a poem, then so be it.


i have witnessed many artists, starting out, conforming to what their mentors have to say. when their confidence is such that they may venture, one sees the free-style and individuality of that artist bloom and the universe unfolds like it should.





i would encourage you to take the road less traveled. carpe diem, bud.|||dis agree its to long and doesnt rhyme|||Your poems mean something to you therefore they are wonderful and no one should say they are not. I rather like this poem. It's a story poem and Robert Frost did many of these. Don't stop writing. One thing though, your is you're. Remember that when you talk you are using words and in contractions you are using them like this YOU"RE not YOUR. YOU'RE is you are. YOUR means something belonging to you and in the context you used in in was incorrect. I'm not yelling I'm making a point that many kids make these days. I want you to see this and understand that in order to be a good poet you have to learn to use words correctly.|||i actually quite liked this poem, it's very detailed and it seems like your talking from past experience. you seem to be able to relate to the boy in this poem, which seems very interesting. i really like this poems, it's an enjoyment to read. thanks|||Though it is long, you can still improve on it.|||Um, It's way too long but I;ve read it and I think you have something.





You have THAT poetic talent.





I quite like this poem.|||This seems to be more of an essay than a prose. What matter is that you like it, and happy with it. With that, I must say it is well written. The images were clear. It has a lot of emotions. It has a plot - beginning, middle, and end on how the boy will end up in the end with the relationships with his parents. Good ending.





I like what I have read. Good job!