Have you heard this years Darwin awards?

It's that time again... The Darwin Awards are finally out, the annual honor


given to the person(s) who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing


themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. Last year's winner was


the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him


as he was attempting to tip a free soda out.





This year's winner was a real rocket scientist....really!





And the nominees were:








Semifinalist #1


A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk


cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline


with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited


into the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned


his house down, killing both him and his sister.





Semifinalist #2





Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low


altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon


the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and


crashed.


They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their


ankles.





Semifinalist #3





A 22-year-old Reston, VA, man was found dead after he tried


to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle.


Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast food worker,taped a bunch of


these straps together, wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the other


end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement.


Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was


alone because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he had


assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground,"


Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was "Major trauma."





Semifinalist #4





A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that


he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a


ball. The friend - no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate - was


hospitalized.





Semifinalist #5





Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed


the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building


extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After


the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were


dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty


navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked.


Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into


his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon


operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded,


sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the


technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The


technician suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as


'bright' by his peers.





Now ladies and gentleman, the winner of this year's Darwin


Award:





The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal embedded in


the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The


wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a car. The type


of car was unidentifiable at the scene.





Police investigators finally pieced together the mystery.


An Amateur Rocket Scientist... Had somehow gotten hold of a JATO unit (Jet


Assisted Take Off, actually a solid fuel rocket)that is used to give heavy


military transport planes an extra "push" for taking off from short


airfields. He had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert and found a


long, straight stretch of road. He attached the JATO unit to the car, jumped


in, got up some speed and fired off the JATO!


The facts as best as could be determined are that the operator of the 1967


Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0 miles from


the crash site.


This was established by the scorched and melted asphalt at that location.


The JATO, if operating properly, would have reached maximum thrust within 5


seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well in excess of 350 mph and


continuing at full power for an additional 20-25 seconds. The driver, and


soon to be pilot, would have experienced G-forces usually reserved for dog


fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners, causing him to become


irrelevant for the remainder of the event. However, the automobile remained


on the straight highway for about 2.5 miles (15-20 seconds) before the


driver applied and completely melted the brakes, blowing the tires and


leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface, then becoming airborne for


an additional 1.4 miles and impacting the cliff face at a height of 125 feet


leaving a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock.


Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable; however, small fragments


of bone, teeth and hair were extracted from the crater, and fingernail and


bone shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of


the steering wheel.|||huh ?|||Gotta love the Darwin awards!!





Didn't some fellow in Mexico win it one year??


He was having sexual relations with a chicken in a cave, and his thrusting caused a boulder to come loose and fall on him. He was found dead with the chicken still stuck on his knob.





And there were those two brothers (can't remember where) moving house. The stairs were too narrow to take some of the furniture down so one was throwing stuff off the roof and the other was catching. It was all fun and games till they tried to move the fridge. Fair enough you might throw it but to try and catch it?????? Silly bugger!|||OMG!!! :O|||Oh my God!!!!!!!!!!!This is just to long to read..........Laters|||wow :-0|||holy $hit dude im in stitches, are these people for real?????????|||Nope, I haven't.|||Semifinalist #5 story is almost 10 years old as far as i can remember|||Wow! Survival of the species I guess...|||People use their brains for the best purposes!! Making others laugh out loud! Thanks for the laughs.|||wow!....no comment though!|||Thanks! That was really funny! :)|||to much imfo thanks|||I bet your C*ck must not be as longer as your joke !!!