Can you guys please proof-read this?

Please i wanna get a good grade in world geography. If you can add some editing notes. Thanks a bunch:D!!














George Ismail


Period 8


World Geography





The sound of waves, warm weather and plenty of famous people, all are part of being in Los Angeles, California. In L.A. there are plenty of beaches in which contain miles of unending, flawless sand. The one of a kind beaches will accommodate anyone’s needs. Imagine seeing some famous people in L.A, people meet celebrities all the time. L.A is a place where many celebrities can call “home”. In Los Angeles the weather is very unique, the summer, spring, winter, and fall have almost similar temperatures. If I can visit or live anywhere in the world it would be Los Angeles, California.


Beaches walking distance from your house or hotel can be very easy to get used to. Some hotels offer you a breathtaking view of the beaches. If you choose wisely, certain hotels are on the beaches. With all of the beaches in Los Angeles County, you will have a hard time choosing one or two to visit. The beaches all offer a variety of different things such as volleyball and surfing. There are plenty of things to do at the beaches. Parking wouldn’t be a problem; each beach has an assortment of parking spots. The beaches are always great places to visit with families.


“Hey look, it’s that guy from that show on TV! A ton of well known movie stars prefer to live in Los Angeles. With Los Angeles not too far from L.A. celebrities want to be close to their work, and most movie T.V sets are located in Los Angeles. A point that is often overlooked, the celebrities enjoy living in the city of angels as well as the next person. The many tourist attractions and the magnificent weather make it an easier decision to live in L.A. It would be really nice to see someone famous live or say in the same city as you.


Los Angeles weather is very enjoyable. The four extremely similar seasons only range at about 65 degrees to 90 degrees. For most people that’s that much of a difference. Of course, the coldest season would be winter ranging at 60 to 60 degrees, that is great weather compared to other freezing temperatures at other places. In the spring time the temperature can reach to 75 degrees. With that temperature, you don’t even need a sweater. To make it even better the summer is not too hot and not too cold either. The summer can get around 85-90 degrees. That weather is perfect for spending a day at the beach. So really there is no need for heavy, thick jackets. That’s always a good thing! Los Angeles used to be dreaded because of the muggy air. That muggy air from the past is almost completely gone do to pollution control. Really, the weather is one of the many great things about L.A.


Los Angeles is home to many great things such as the weather that will blow your mind. The many great beaches that will leave you with many memories. Like it wasn’t good enough, the most famous people from across America sometimes visit and live in L.A. Who knows maybe you will meet a celebrity or two one day. Los Angeles can leave you with something to brag about. L.A is where I want to live when I’m older.|||George Ismail


Period 8


World Geography





The sound of waves, warm weather and plenty of famous people, all are part of being in Los Angeles, California. In L.A. there are plenty of beaches in which contain miles of unending, flawless sand. The one of a kind beaches will accommodate anyone’s needs. Imagine seeing some famous people in L.A, people meet celebrities all the time. L.A is a place where many celebrities can call “home”. In Los Angeles the weather is very unique, the summer, spring, winter, and fall have almost similar temperatures. If I can visit or live anywhere in the world it would be Los Angeles, California.


Beaches walking distance from your house or hotel can be very easy to get used to. Some hotels offer you a breathtaking view of the beaches. If you choose wisely, certain hotels are on the beaches. With all of the beaches in Los Angeles County, you will have a hard time choosing one or two to visit. The beaches all offer a variety of different things such as volleyball and surfing. There are plenty of things to do at the beaches. Parking would not be a problem; each beach has an assortment of parking spots. The beaches are always great places to visit with families.


“Hey look, it’s that guy from that show on TV!" A ton of well known movie stars prefer to live in Los Angeles. Celebrities want to be close to their work, and most movie sets are located in Los Angeles. A point that is often overlooked, the celebrities enjoy living in the city of angels as well as the next person. The many tourist attractions and the magnificent weather make it an easier decision to live in L.A. It would be really nice to see someone famous live or say in the same city as you.


Los Angeles weather is very enjoyable. The four extremely similar seasons only range at about 65 degrees to 90 degrees. For most people that is much of a difference. Of course, the coldest season would be winter ranging at 60 to 70 degrees, that is great weather compared to other freezing temperatures at other places. In the spring time the temperature can reach to 75 degrees. With that temperature, you do not even need a sweater. To make it even better the summer is not too hot and not too cold either. The summer can get around 85-90 degrees. That weather is perfect for spending a day at the beach. So really there is no need for heavy, thick jackets. That is always a good thing! Los Angeles used to be dreaded because of the muggy air. That muggy air from the past is almost completely gone do to pollution control. Really, the weather is one of the many great things about L.A.


Los Angeles is home to many great things such as the weather that will blow your mind. The many great beaches that will leave you with many memories. Like it wasn’t good enough, the most famous people from across America sometimes visit and live in L.A. Who knows maybe you will meet a celebrity or two one day. Los Angeles can leave you with something to brag about. L.A is where I want to live when I’m older.


YEA KTHX


HEHE WINKS|||Use active voice as much as possible. Avoid using is, are, was, be, as they usually make your sentences more choppy. For Example:





L.A is a place where many celebrities can call “home”.





Celebrities can call L.A "home".





Which sounds better to you? reread your entire thing again, and if possible Highlight all the is, are, was, and use replacement words. This will take your writing to the next level. Teacher love this stuff: Active Voice.





P.S passive voice sentences take much more words and space than active voice ( I hit the ball-----compared to-----The ball was hit by me) sentences.





Hope this helps:


:) Sorry I cant help much with all else, as it is about 11pm where i am.|||The sound of waves, warm weather and plenty of famous people, are all *component parts* of being in Los Angeles, California. Here, in L.A.*,* there are plenty of beaches*,* ** which *between them* contain miles of unending, flawless sand. *These* *one-of-a-kind* beaches will accommodate anyone’s needs.


*Imagining* seeing some famous people? *Visitors and residents alike* meet celebrities all the time. L.A is *one* place **that** many celebrities can call “home”.


In Los Angeles the weather is very unique**.** Summer, Spring, Winter, and Fall have almost similar temperatures.


If I can visit or live anywhere in the world it would be Los Angeles, California.


Beaches *only* walking distance from your house or hotel can be very easy to get used to. Some hotels offer you a breathtaking view of the beaches. If you choose wisely, certain hotels are *actually built* on the beaches. With all of the beaches in Los Angeles County, you will have a hard time choosing one or two to visit. The beaches all offer a variety of different things such as volleyball and surfing. There are plenty of things to do at the beaches. Parking *is never* a problem **because** each beach has an assortment of parking spots. The beaches are always great places to visit with families *regardless of the season*.


“Hey look, it’s that guy from that show on TV!*"* A ton of well known movie stars prefer to live in Los Angeles. With Los Angeles not too far from L.A. celebrities want to be close to their work, and most movie T.V sets are located in Los Angeles. *Another* point that is often overlooked *is that* the celebrities enjoy living in the *"City of Angels" as well as the next person. The many tourist attractions and the magnificent weather make it an easier decision to live in L.A. It *is always* really nice to see someone famous live or s*t*ay in the same city as you.


Los Angeles weather is very enjoyable. The four extremely similar seasons only range **from** about 65 degrees to 90 degrees. For most people (I'm not sure what you are trying to say here%26gt;) *that’s that much of a difference*. Of course, the coldest season would be winter *ranging **from** 60 to *60?* degrees*.* *That* is great weather compared to *the* freezing temperatures **common in** other places *in Winter*. In the Spring*,*** the temperature can reach 75 degrees *and* with ** temperatures like that, you don’t even need a sweater.


To make it even better*,* the summer is **neither** too hot **nor** too cold**. **Summer can get to around 85-90 degrees, **which is** perfect for spending a day at the beach. So really there is **never any** need for heavy, thick jackets. That’s always a good thing!


Los Angeles used to be dreaded because of the muggy (toxic?) air. That muggy air *problem is* from the past *and* is almost completely gone **due** to pollution control. Really, the weather is one of the many great things about L.A.


Los Angeles is home to many great things*.* **Not just** the *fantastic* weather that will blow your mind. *Not just* the many great beaches that will leave you with many memories. Like it wasn’t good enough, the most famous people from across America sometimes visit and live in L.A. Who knows*,* maybe you will meet a celebrity or two one day*?* Los Angeles can leave you with something to brag about. L.A is where I want to live when I’m older.


%26gt;%26gt;%26gt;%26gt;%26gt;%26gt;%26gt;%26gt;


NB I have asterisked some sample suggested changes. I am worried about the repetitious use of words like "LA" (even if it is the subject matter!) and "beaches". The beach and weather subjects seem to be a recurring theme throughout the text. I wonder if collecting the beach and weather references together into their own paragraphs might improve the structure and impact of the text. Indeed better use of paragraphs and a little more correct punctuation would be important improvements.





I haven't done it all. I need sleep. Please forgive. I have tried to offer some constructive changes that I hope you will find of value. I hope you won't think I've altered it too much. Good luck with your final version, which I am sure will be a great success. LA tourism could use your obvious enthusiasm about their attributes!