What do you think of my book?

this is the first chapter:





Harmony Kensington


The last thing Harmony Kensington ever pictured herself doing was sitting at the Loser table between the garbage cans and the vending machines at Summerfield High in New York City. Even the slightest thought would make her shudder because Harmony worked so hard to get to be the best of the best, the coolest of the cool, the top dog , alpha, basically popular. To Harmony being popular is way more important than getting at least a B- in algebra or getting on the honors list. It meant to be in control and the thrill Harmony gets when she walks by an un-popular, like Anna Tanner or Billy Bloomington. She can tell that the un-popular get this shrill shiver of fear that runs down their spine as she’s passing by, hoping Harmony or one of her friends won’t notice them.


Staring straight at the Loser Table, Harmony Kensington couldn’t blink. The possibility that she could end up at that table by making one single mistake, scared her more than anything.


“Harmony, are you coming or not?” Charlotte Hill said eyeing their ‘reserved’ Popular Table that they autographed their names onto with Harmony’s permanent lilac purple sharpie at the beginning of the year.


“Yeah, let’s go,” Harmony said shaking out of her trance while tucking her beach blonde hair behind her ears and walked swiftly over to their table. Forgetting the terrible thought she had a little earlier.


Charlotte is one of those friends who love the popular perks. The exclusive tables, free lattes, VIP parking once they turn 16 if any of those were ever taken away from her she’d go insane!


They arrived at the popular table in the cafeteria, the quaint little sushi bar to the left, and with the jock table to the right. Perfect view!


“Charlotte! Harmony! ” Jeremy Hutch waved from the Jock Table. The best looking freshmen, Harmony had been crushing on since seventh grade.


Harmony could feel her friend staring her down. She had fortunately learned to avoid the Dork Eye from her friends because if you’re popular and you haven’t asked out a guy, especially one you’ve been crushing on since 7th grade. That spells out the four letter word of doom… D-O-R-K.


“Hey Jeremy,” Harmony said doing her best to seem casual. “Did you see those dork pants Bloomington was wearing today? It totally looks like he murdered them in the wash.” Immediately Harmony realized she was a being a bit harsh; but then again she was popular. She could say anything, well almost anything she wanted.


“Really? I never saw.” Jeremy stated in monotone as he stared into the distance with a look of confusion on his face. Then he looked back in Harmony’s direction, “did you hear about the dance next month?” He asked quickly, a very sad attempt to change the subject but it worked.


“Yeah. The Harvest Dance, right?” Harmony said nodding her head quickly, trying to keep her cool. Even though she wanted to explode with excitement. Imagining what he would say next! It was killing her. There was a long pause. “Spit it out,” Harmony mumbled under her breath.


“Huh?” Jeremy asked.


“Nothing!” Harmony chimed quickly, “So you were saying?” Her anticipation was building.


“Anyways… Yeah, that one” Jeremy took a bite of his apple then set it aside. “It looks pretty lame to me.”


Her mouth gaped open. “Very” Harmony smiled, replying quietly trying not to show her disappointment.


Just at that moment Charlotte finished talking to Jake Robinson, her boyfriend. They’re on and off. Constantly.


“Come on, Harmony. Let’s go.” Charlotte said staring directly into Harmony’s eyes shifting her shoulder in the direction toward their table, urging her to go. Harmony could tell she and Jake had just been arguing, meaning they were off, for now at least.


“Okay.” Harmony shrugged. “Bye, Jeremy.” Harmony took her tray and left with Charlotte to find Kaleena Montez and Rachelle Laurent their other best friends. Kaleena is like the lady in the movie Titanic, new to the ways of the rich and nice to poor. Except in this case the poor are the unpopular. Kaleena was recently upgraded to the Glamazons because of her latest nose job making her look like gorgeous Alexi Muniez. A Hispanic actress who is all the rave right now.


Rachelle on the other hand, was Harmony's best friend since 2nd grade. Harmony considered Rachelle to be her second in command.


Right now Harmony couldn’t think about eating. She emptied her tray into the garbage and Charlotte copied. The girls walked through the large hallway which connected the cafeteria to the school and approached the girl’s washroom to be surprised by an array of bright colors.


“We thought this place needed a little color.” Kaleena said with a mischievous grin.


“Whatever.” Harmony said to Kaleena with attitude shooing her away. “You’ll never guess what happened, or maybe you will.” She smirked. “Char and Jake broke up… Again”


Rachelle patted Charlotte on the shoulder. “Aw, Char pauvre fille, c’est impossible.” Rachelle|||Wow, that's really good. Careful with grammar, but I think it's probably just typos. One of them is: Then he looked back in Harmony’s direction, “did you hear about the dance next month?”


The word 'did' should be 'Did'.





"She can tell that the un-popular get this shrill shiver of fear that runs down their spine as she’s passing by, hoping Harmony or one of her friends won’t notice them." The word "get" should probably be changed to "gets" and for the sake of avoiding colloquial language I suggest changing "this" to "a", simply because it doesn't seem to fit when placed next to a description that uses a diffrent tone of language. This sentence has a lot of grammar problems lurking within it, and you should probably get someone better then me to help to fix them. I can't really pinpoint them clearly, sorry...





Overall, really good. I can't really say anything about this because I'm a total dork myself...|||it isn't very good at all.... terrible. you need alot of work. its all over the place. What is the purpose of your book?


advice-


dont act like a little girl jeremy may of responded better if you weren't talking trash. The last bit is just scatter brained.





You better pray cause as of right now... umm.. I know how you feel. Thank goodness we can educate ourselves!





What is the goal of your book?|||It's very good! Is this your first book? But some the characters seem to be inter-mixing. Also add more detail to the surroundings at various intervals. It gives the reader more visual